sunday

“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

This quote is on my grandmother's fridge. I knew when I read it that I wanted to write a blog about it and while I wrote the blog I would listen to "Let it Be." Yes, I am listening to it. I spent about 20 minutes trying to find the quote on the internet so I could get it correct, but here it is.
Within this broken world we will never be without conflict. That has been proven. The lives of so many have been tested. We are surrounded by suffering, but we are also surrounded by ways in which we can cope with it. I see the suffering; I see the people wanting to help.

I painted quite a bit this weekend. Usually it takes me about 2 weeks (on average) to finish a painting and be pleased with it. This weekend I started and finished two paintings. I am completely satisfied with one. The second one is done, there is no doubt about that, but it does not look right. Now, I have seven paintings hanging on the walls of my dorm. I can remember the exact emotions I had while I painted each picture. What an amazing release painting can be.

Friday and Saturday were wonderful. Friday afternoon I went to Orange City to help my 17 year-old cousin get ready for her first prom. I did her hair, nails, make-up, and helped her pick out her jewelry. She is the oldest of four girl and her family has gone through their own sorts of hell. It was uplifting to be able to spoil her a bit, at least for a day. As I curled and pinned up her hair we talked about my proms, boys, school, dogs, make-up, clothes, her friends, my friends, family, and her favorite types of music. Hanging out with her for the majority of the afternoon/evening made me realize how much I truly miss my sisters. (They both have boyfriends now and I wish I could be home to have girl-talk with them over a cup of tea and a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode or two.

Friday night I played a game with Lise, Craig, Lise's sister and brother-in-law, and Stephy. Later that night Steph and I bought sherbet and watched movies. Glorious. Saturday we went to lunch(aka breakfast on Saturday mornings) and watched more movies. That night I spent most of my time giggling with Lise. We watched You-Tube videos of children and old people getting hurt. (We may sound horrible... we may be horrible... but it was hilarious!) We did manage to find time for our Saturday night walks, with a smoke or two.

In about a week and half all of the studying will be done, the homework will be terminated, notes will be thrown away, rooms will be empty, Dordt will be quiet. Wow. I am half way done with college--one year left at Dordt. Weird. Summer will be great. I am excited to get back to both of my jobs and I am more than ready to see Matthew and Joseph, but I am far from ready to leave this place. However, in no time at all we will be back here with a whole new list of classes and not ready for the homework to begin... again.

love-friendship-comfort...

sisters

a bear hug

I have a friend at home, let's call him Schmatthew. He is one of my best friends--one of the two. He is the one who brings me yellow roses when I am feeling down, he sings "You're Beautiful" in a glorious voice (note the sarcasm), and he gives the best hugs in the world. Whenever I come home from college he is the first person I call. We will go on our nightly drives with our coffee/apple cider and talk. Talk. About everything. It starts out about how our classes are going and how we are doing with college and whatnot, and then it evolves into our non-existing romantic lives (ha) and into our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears, loves, pasts, everything!!!
Before our drives through Duluth and the silence rule we follow as we drive over the hill and see my city for the first time, we always have our hug. He usually picks me up, comes in and gives me an initial hug. Then, we both talk with my parents for a bit and once we leave my house we hug again. This hug is what I miss. He is about 6'4" and powers over me. Whenever we hug, I am safe.
Te eche de menos, Schmatthew.

a song of relief

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

**help me**

a rare leg disease!

"What happened to your legs!?!?!?!"---numerous girls asking me as I left the shower.

My doctor requested that I keep track of all the bruises on my legs. How in the world am I supposed to do that? There are so many. Well, she suggested taking a permanent marker and tracing them.
Done.
Humorous.
I have countless red splotches all over my legs.
Next time you see me, ask to see them if you wish.

It could be fun answering these numerous questions with a complex sounding, rare leg disease. HA!

selfishness?

I have been working on myself a lot lately. I feel like I have made a lot of progress and others have said that they have noticed a difference. I have, however, had an issue with this whole 'focus on me' thing. I feel selfish. I am a people pleaser and I thoroughly enjoy helping others and working with others to help them solve their problems, and when I start to focus on me and working on my problems I feel as if I am being selfish with my time and my energy.
I know I cannot fully help others unless I am completely healthy and feel content with who I am. I do have one more thing I have to do. I have started the process, but this thing may infringe upon one other person's comfort. The problem: I need to do this! In order for me to be able to truly be 'okay' I need to get this thing over with. However, I cannot do it without possibly hurting someone. What do I do?
People have told me that I need to do this for me.
I have taken the plunge.
Deep breath.
I jumped in the deep end.
Let's hope I can come up for air before things get worse.