changes

I have a full week left at home. Then, I fly off to Chicago for a semester of work, learning, friends, adventure, growth, understanding, and reality. At least, that is some of what I am expecting. The previous listed items are not horrifying in themselves, but then why am I scared to death? My nervousness about Chicago has been present all summer and comes in rolling waves, and now that the adventure is a week away the fear has taken over. What specifically am I afraid of? I do not know if I can pinpoint it. I am afraid of failure. Of the city itself. Of a lot. I have never been a fan of change. Freaking out. Freaking out! Freaking out... I have been told that the nerves and fear will go away when I land--when I am in the city. The anticipation is killing me though. I do have moments of panic attacks. Small ones but they are still there.

I cried on the first day of elementary school, the first day of middle school, the fist day of high school, the fist day of college, the last day of college, and many times between. Yes--I am very emotional. I am expecting to cry the first day in Chicago. I never thought I would miss Dordt or at least wish I was going back. Many people are updating their facebook statuses with phrases such as "at dordt" "packing up for another semester at dordt" "excited to see people at dordt" etc. I do need to remind myself that another semester at Dordt would not be good for me. But, I do wish I would have soaked up the Dordtness while I was there. I am visiting my college in a couple of days. I will say hello and goodbye to friends, hopefully visit some professors (who am I kidding, of course I will visit professors :)), and possibly sit in on a couple social work classes. I will miss the college I have called home for the past three years. The college that I hated before I was there. The college that challenged me in ways I never thought I could be challenged. The college that introduced me to some of my best friends.

I will try to update this more often and write about my adventures in Chicago. We will see where this semester takes me.